This is what’s going on.

So, to kick off this endeavor, the very first card drawn is—

The Moon XVIII

• Major Arcana—feminine/goddess energy
• astrology: Cancer, Pisces
• numerology: 18, 9
• basic themes: imagination, psychic development, unforeseen changes, things aren’t always what they seem

 

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February. Mid-twenties—temperature and age.

It was a Thursday evening about 9:45 PM.

Walking with a close friend, on our way to cheap pitchers at the bar. All bundled up. Thankful for the stretches of shoveled sidewalk, gingerly crunching through the bits that no one had bothered with. Head down, checking for icy spots.

It was quite far, walking, from our houses to the destination, so we had plenty of time to shoot the shit.  Conversation always sounds different through cold air, covered ears and multiple layers.

I had spent the last year having fun. Traveling Europe—one punk festival to the next, living with friends, working part-time but making more than enough, weeks packed with basement shows and house parties.

Life was good, really frikkin’ good, but I was in so much pain.

I was heartbroken.

February signaled the start of my 4th year with my ex. We weren’t together, but we weren’t broken up either. If you’ve ever experienced that bullshit vortex, then you know.

I was weary of it all, but was still clinging to the hope something, anything, good would come of it.

When we, astrologers, talk about the stubbornness of the Fixed signs, well, it is an understatement. My Leo Moon was NEVER going to give up.

So, here we were, walking, and I was blathering on about the ex, and the four year mark—trying to fully get my emotions expressed while simultaneously not annoying the crap out of my friend, when, mid-sentence, it happened . . .

That moment of release, the one you get when it is really over. When you know down to your bones there will be no more turmoil, just peace.

Just peace.

And then the blessed future ahead.

Serenity washed over me. I could breathe again. I took my first real breath I’d had in years.

The magnitude of how ridiculous the whole situation was hit hard, but not in a humiliating way. No, it was more of a laying to rest the burden of ALL the dysfunction.

Laughable.

Done.

I just knew everything was gonna be alright. I hadn’t felt that way for the years we spent ‘breaking up.’ These feelings were new and fresh, for I had forgotten that ‘alright’ even existed.

My shoulders straightened and the stomach knots loosened. If I could have willed this to occur sooner, goddamn it, I would have.

I don’t know why it happened. I just KNEW it had. I didn’t even try explain to my friend. I just gasped in the frigid air and kept walking.

I felt so spectacular.

That night at the bar, I met the new guy I would spend the next five years with and never looked back.

Lona

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transits of the evening

• transiting angles conjunct my natal angles at the time of epiphany
• Uranus transiting my 5H,
• Moon transiting my 7H
• Pluto square my Venus—exact
• Saturn square my Venus—2º orb
• Venus trine my Sun & Chiron (creating an Earth Grand Trine)—1º orb

synastry with the ex

• North Node conjunct my AC—2º orb
• Venus opposite my Sun—exact
• Sun opposite my Sun/Moon midpoint—exact
• Saturn conjunct my Sun—4º orb
• Neptune square my Venus—2º orb
• Moon in my 8H